Sexuality is a multifaceted, vital part of being human, so why do men typically reduce it to
performance, performance, performance? It may surprise you to learn that
The Janus Report
on Sexual Behavior states that just over one-third of women (36 percent, to be exact) feel
that a wide array of sex techniques is a must for maximum bliss.
With the advent of Viagra and
other performance-enhancing supplements sweeping the nation, you may hold the new world record for
time, but it's a fact that an engine needs proper maintenance to keep it functioning proficiently
year after year.
So, how do you keep your motor-and hers-purring? Here's
five ways to put your sex life back on the fast track.
Gentlemen, start your
engines Testosterone makes men go from zero to maximum speed in 60
seconds or less. Keep in mind that while you may be a Ferrari, your female partner is more like a
Bentley. "Estrogen is slower and pickier, and female arousal is much more gradual," says Deborah Blum,
author of
Sex on the Brain. This extends to foreplay, which for her, isn't what happens 10
minutes before the Main Event.
Sultry French film siren Brigitte Bardot once said that sex begins early
in the morning and ends when you go to sleep at night, meaning that the way you treat her throughout
the day can determine how things will go later in the bedroom. If she sometimes has trouble getting
into a higher gear, you can blame it on stress or fatigue, but the real reason might be that you're not
warming up the engine properly.
Alternative fuels
"A decline in your sexual health may mean something's wrong with your overall health," says Hank C.K. Wuh,
M.D., M.P.H., co-author of
Sexual Fitness. Overall, it's the quality of what you put in the
tank that makes an engine-or a body-run more efficiently.
And there's some encouraging news that the
lifestyle program Wuh created might: In a 30-day study of 25 men and women (median age 42), 82 percent
said they experienced sexual desire more frequently, 50 percent said their level of desire increased,
and 40 percent reported an improved sexual relationship.
Wuh's seven strategies in a nutshell: eat a
healthy diet that contains "good fat" proteins, like soy products, nuts and avocados; take certain
herbs and vitamins, such as vitamin E for added circulation and increased libido; avoid medications
that can cause sexual dysfunction; stimulate your senses; exercise regularly; get enough sleep; and,
most important, learn healthy ways to manage stress.
Jump-start your heart
Not
only will exercising 30 minutes a day make you look and feel sexier, it will also increase your stamina
and level of control, according to Terry Mason, chief urologist at Chicago's Mercy Hospital. "An
enhanced body as a result of exercise provides visual stimulation. Everybody wants somebody who
visually turns them on," Mason explains. "Secondly, cardiovascular exercise increases endurance, and
that can be a paramount issue in being able to have the level of intensity that the couple would like
to have."
In addition, an October 2004 article in the
Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality concluded
that individuals who exercise regularly feel better about themselves, perceive they are more sexually
desirable and experience greater levels of satisfaction.
Schedule regular
maintenance
While most guys know the maintenance schedule for their
cars, few know how often they should visit the doctor for regular tune-ups. Even fewer want to go in
for a check-up when a warning light starts to flash. In 1999, the
Journal of American Medical
Association surveyed 500 men of 25 years of age or older, which showed that 70 percent felt their
doctor would dismiss any concerns about sexual problems. In fact, the opposite is the case.
Most health
care providers want men to learn and practice self-examination, discuss any problems and schedule
regular visits for early detection of testicular or prostate cancers. And, to a woman, a willingness to
talk about and face your sexual problems head on only makes you
more of a man. Plus, like a
well-maintained vehicle, we'd like to keep you around for those leisurely Sunday afternoon drives (and
occasionally smoke your tires) for many years to come.
Dangerous curves ahead
A 2002 survey by the University of Chicago, published in the
Journal
of the American Medical Association, asserts that, in all age groups, one in four American women
does not enjoy sex, and one in three men across age groups thinks he is sexually inadequate. All the
rest feel unhappy and dissatisfied because they think they are not doing it right, not doing it enough
or not doing it the way their partners want them to.
Why so much angst? First of all, stop using the
overtly sex-saturated media as your standard user's manual, in which everything is reduced to simple
mechanics and impossible standards. Ultimately, a healthy and satisfying sex life is more about quality
than quantity; it's the vitality of the relationship, personal preferences, creativity and the depths
of real passion we explore with our partner that makes the biggest difference at the finish line.
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